I wanted to use the term “retard strength” somewhere in there, but couldn’t fit it in.

I’ve always thought Chewbacca was mentally challenged.  I mean, look at the guy:

The joke just kinda came about from my longtime semi-annoyance with the look of the character and that sound he makes.

When I set out to write Chewy’s cry in text form, I drew a huge blank.  I googled how to write it, and came across this, this and this, which gave such varied answers as: “rtttttttttttttttttttttt,” “ududududududud,” and “Maaaaaarh!!!!!”

Now, I don’t know about them, but when I try (fail) to speak Shyriiwook, I think of it as a mix of a tarzan yell, growl and gurgle sound.  So in the end, I just tried combining them in text and came up with “Arrguglharrghrar!”  It doesn’t really sound like it, but then again I don’t know what does.  If you have any ideas how to write out Chewbacca’s roar, let me know in the comments.

Donkey waffles?  Sounds delicious!

In  the “What If?” scenario for this strip, I asked myself what would’ve happened if Lord Farquaad relocated all the fairy-tale creatures somewhere other than the swamp.  I figure Donkey wouldn’t have survived that first night, what with his attention deficit hyperactive disorder and Shrek’s extreme carnivorous-ness.  It’s kinda sad because I really like Donkey.  But hey, that’s why it’s called the Circle of Life, am I right?

On a side note, I’m starting to think that none of my blog posts make sense.  See you next week!

For those that want to sing along (you’ll notice I skipped a whole section.  There were too many lyrics to fit the whole song on the page):

Click here to view the embedded video.

All the props go to my friend Sean for this joke.

It’s not often I hear a parody suggestion I like.  Those who know me will often throw ideas my way on what film we should spoof next/what the joke should be/what this week’s joke should’ve been.  Often they’re along the lines of: “… and then he shoots him in the face!  Ha!” or, “… and then he punches him in the dick!  Lolz!”

It’s… annoying.  At best.  Because me, being me, automatically think my ideas are divine revelations sent from the heavens to share with you all.  When I decided to spoof E.T., I got a rude awakening.

My initial thoughts were along the lines of, “What if E.T. dialed the wrong number when phoning home?”  It was a decent concept, but not as good as Sean’s.  He took the “ouch” moment from the movie and applied from Elliot’s finger to his balls.  I mixed it up a bit by having it take place during the flying bike scene and, ta-daa!: our first joke we totally stole from an outside, non-FTR source.

Thanks, Sean.  Just don’t expect any money or anything.

There were a lot of different adaptations of this story to choose from.  The version I knew the best was the Animaniacs cartoon.  J wanted the Mickey Mouse version.  Jon wanted the Patrick Stewart version.  The George C. Scott film was also suggested.  In the end, I went with the classic 1951 version because after doing some research, I found out it was one of the most revered films among fans of the novel that wasn’t a made-for-television movie.  So I watched that one and loved it.  It’s definitely up there next to It’s a Wonderful Life and Bad Santa as one of my favorite holiday films.

I know, I know, we skipped “The Two Towers.”  We’ll get to that one eventually.  The whole Lord of the Rings series was amazing, but like the “Fellowship” joke, I decided to capitalize on a wtf moment from the film.  It just struck me as odd why Eowyn was able to kill the witch king just because she was a female.  Like his only weakness was the x chromosome.  Meh, girl power I guess.  It was a cool moment.

This whole Twilight fad is crap.  On a stick.

Not because of the legions of annoying girls.  Honestly, good for them.  Now they have something to be as excited about as us fanboys when movies like TDK and Iron Man come out.

Not because of the millions and millions of dollars the movies made despite their lack of quality.  I’m not a big box-office worry wart, mainly because I have no control over it and it’s drive me crazy if I were.

What really gets me is that the supposed “vampires” in the film are so freakin’ lame.  Vampires are supposed to have FANGS (at least retractable ones).  Vampires are supposed to die if they go in the sun, not sparkle like they’re in a pridefest parade.  Vampires are supposed to be badASS, not emo pusses.  Where the hell is Blade when you need him?  Now, those vampires were awesome.

The “New Moon” movie that just came out has werewolves, I guess what’s-her-face falls in love with one of them too.  I haven’t read the books but I’m guessing that in the next movie she bangs Frankenstein and in the one after that she becomes Imhotep’s bitch.

*Sigh* When’s “Thor” in theaters?

When it comes to these parodies, Jon and I set a number of rules early on:  1. They have to be funny.  2. One joke per movie, so as to parody as many different films as possible.  3. One movie per joke, because if we combine movies, then each one doesn’t get its due share, and part of the reason we do this comic is to pay homage to some great films.  This joke is the exception to that rule.

I had watched “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” for the first time when researching joke ideas for it, and was just drawing a blank.  I knew I didn’t like the film (never read the books, don’t plan to, Dr. Strange can kick Harry Potter’s ass), so all I knew was that the punchline was going to be Harry Potter dying.  ’Cause that was funny to me.  But how he would die was another matter, because I wanted to adhere to rule number 1.  Then I watched “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” and got my perfect setup.  But it was taboo because it would violate rule number 3.  After much discussion with Jon, we figured we could get away with it this time because we were probably never going to spoof Monty Python.  Making something unfunny into funny is easier than making the already funny, funnier.  Which is why you don’t see us spoofing many comedies, actually.

Anyway, there it is.  Your first “movie-combo.”  For not liking Harry Potter, I sure threw in a bunch of nods for the fans, like Precinct 9 and 3/4, the Nimbus 200, the Sorcerer’s Stone, and a Rememberall.

Much like my research into leet speak for the 2001: A Space Odyssey strip, I had to do some research into heart conditions so I could make the coroner at least sound credible.  If you’re reading this and you are a cardiologist, I just want you to know: that who-doctor in the strip is a quack.  Unless his medical lingo is legit.  Then I take full credit for his genius.

Yay, a poop joke!

Honestly, he could have been doing any number of funny things behind that curtain.  I think the best (worst) idea I had was for him to be hiding a member of the lollipop guild there, but that was something I had no desire to draw.  In the end, Jon and I just figured he should be taking a dump.  For shits and giggles, literally.

It was hard thinking of a joke for this movie.  You’d think Johnny Depp would be easier to make fun of…  We could have gone the gay route, but I’m glad I didn’t because then I wouldn’t have seen Jon’s hilarious attempt to keep from laughing when I showed him the joke at work.  It was so quiet in the newsroom, and Jon couldn’t hold it back so everyone could hear his loud snorts.  Ah, you had to be there.

Why is the ultimate goal of a race of immortal beings called “The Prize?”  Seriously, the name lends itself more to a grocery store giveaway than mortality/fertility/telepathy.  Jon said he can’t wait for Hollywood to reboot the mess that is the Highlander continuity.  Really, the way this movie ends, it was impossible to do a sequel (let alone four).

It was hard to come up with a joke for LOTR, but I discovered that the more you think about something that seems a little off at first impression, the weirder it becomes.  Take for example Gimli’s request.  Anyone else find it a little weird and fetish-y that he would ask for her hair?   Me too.  So I ran with the idea.

Ok, I may have gone overboard with the textures here.  But in my defense I had just discovered them and was like a kid in a candy store for a couple weeks.

The inspiration for the strip came about when I heard someone call an “animality” finishing move a “beastiality,” which at the time made me laugh way harder than any non-pervert would deem necessary.

This is a combo of Jon’s joke about why Darth Vader breathes so heavily all the time and my joke about the head-injury prone stormtrooper.  Jon’s theory: Darth Vader breathes the way he does because he’s constantly choking his chicken.  A “force-choke” as it were, a term familiar to Star Wars fans.

If I were one of the 300 Spartans at the battle of Thermopylae listening to Leonidas’ boosterish speech, I’d say, “Hell?  What’s that?  Is that some new restaurant? Are they any good? Am I wearing the proper attire? Why’d you just stab me?”

Get it? Because I wouldn’t know what hell is, being a believer in Greek mythology and Hades. And I’m annoying.